The Heart of the Matter
“The most enlightened prayer isn’t, “Dear God, send me someone wonderful,” but, “Dear God, help me realize that I am someone wonderful.” – Marianne Williamson
In this Valentine’s week, let’s look at the heart of the matter – self-love. All the hearts and flowers and even chocolate won’t do it will it? All the praise and applause from the outside ultimately doesn’t bring it. Until we allow ourselves to love ourselves, it is like we have teflon over our heart and all that is given bounces off.
As we seek external validation by generating a sense of self through acceptance and love, it is our not-good-enough and shame that dictates the heart space so that we don’t believe we deserve to be loved. In this place, you will believe you lack abundance. It is here that you shut down your heart’s receptivity to the intimacy of life. Where there is no abundance, emptiness fills its place. Emptiness is what creates the agonizing pain that years for love.
Hearts and Flowers
Desire for love, to be loved, makes you seek someone or something to make you feel special, wanted. Ironically, you can’t receive it because you don’t believe that love exists in you but rather outside of you. It is that feeling of disconnection from you that keeps you from accessing all the love that lies right inside you.
Our neediness, desire to feel loved keeps Valentine’s Day in business. We romanticize love and what it is supposed to look like and what he/she is supposed to give us or do for us so we FEEL loved. The trick is that when we don’t know that we have to be receptive to the love and support we are given, to take the teflon off our heart, we focus on the lack. We expect to feel filled up and yet we feel empty once again. Disappointed, we blame the other. “I wanted a romantic dinner! You gave me flowers and chocolate. How could you?” or “Why did you know I wanted to go away for the weekend?” or “I appreciate the support you have been giving me, I just had hoped you’d know I wanted you to do that yard work.” For all their gifts and support, we still feel empty.*
Your Own Divine Love
Know that the greater your emptiness, the deeper is your cry for recognizing your own divine love! You be saying, “Well, great, Marty, but how I access my own divine love?” Through self-acceptance of being exactly who you are. What is really cool about this is that the truth will set you free! As you look at who you really are, not what the little voices in your head tell you, you will discover how talented, able and gifted you are. Self-love comes from owning, honoring and valuing each and every one of your talents, abilities and gifts. Why? Two reasons:
- One: it is how can begin to love yourself
- Two: because that is the very essence of who you are. It is your core identity.
LIST Talents, Abilities, and Gifts
How to start discovering your own divine love is by just liking yourself. To like yourself, you have to find out what is special about you. What makes you, you. To do that, take a piece of paper and create three columns and label them: Talents, Abilities and Gifts. Begin by thinking about your Talents. If you were writing a resume, what jobs would you list: zoo keeper, mechanic, graphic designer, IT, photographer. Abilities are your innate self that allows you to do those things. What makes an artist and artist or an athlete or a zoo keeper? The gift is what you give the world by using your abilities and talents.
With this list you not only TAG Yourself for Success™, but also you have defined your core identity. You have the foundation for liking you. As you accept how Talented, Able and Gifted you really are, you will accept you as you are and see your unique gift that you are in the world. You can now generate the energy of self-love and to give love to yourself and to others. The desperate seeking for love in all the wrong places will stop. Your need to feel special and wanted by others will disappear. It will be replaced by a knowing and accepting of who you are. A desire to say, “YES!” to life. You will be giving love where you used to look for love.
TAG Yourself for Success™ Examples
Talent How do you share or express your natural born ability? Mozart expressed his creative ability with his Talent of playing the piano and writing concertos, sonatas, and operas. Are you a musician, mechanic, writer,leader, artist, athlete, comedian, accountant, cook, team leader, photographer, hairdresser, closet organizer, anticipate what is needed, instill confidence and trustworthiness in others, see the big picture, find solutions.
Ability A God-given skill, something you just can do. Like Mozart could play the piano at four. An Ability is what they were born knowing how to do. Sometimes it is what you might have gotten in trouble for as a child like taking things a part. It is what allows your talent to happen. What is the ability needed to play the piano or to be an athlete, or manage the company? Are you creative, inventive, imaginative, visionary, intuitive, analytical,athletic; have a sense of: color, spatial relationships,timing or humor? What comes naturally, easily – THAT is what they are born to do! Guess what? It is what you can get paid the most for! Support the development of those Abilities.
Gift Expressing your value in the world through their Ability and Talent. What gift do you give? Mozart expressed his musical Ability through his Talent of writing down his music and playing the piano. His Gift? He published his music and performed in concert halls around the world. Do you perform music, have satisfied customers, sell your computer games, publish your poetry, sell your art work, reach children in a unique way, outstanding business results, cook delicious meals, unique gifts for sale, delight audiences, find solutions, make the company money, healthy clients.
* Based on the wisdom in Luis Garcia’s book: Opening the Seven Biblical Seal and the Physics of Emotions