“By changing my self-talk, I changed my life,” said a friend of mine the other day. I thought how brilliantly put. Yes indeed. It is vital to pay attention to listen to what we tell ourselves each day, hour, minute.
There was a time in my life that by the end of the day, I felt like I had been in the ring with Mike Tyson. It is when we are at our most vulnerable that we tend to abandon ourselves. It is in that exact moment that we need a plan to support ourselves, to heed the big red Stop! sign the universe has planted in our path. The universe wants us to stop long enough to look where a real solution lies.
When we judge and condemn ourselves for what did or didn’t do in that moment, we often feel stuck, exhausted and discouraged. We can’t see a way out and wonder if we will ever make it. One way to begin to reframe what happened in a situation is to not come from the point of view that there is something to fix, but instead to come from knowing that There is Nothing to Fix; Just More of You to Discover.
What Pleased and Displeased Me
With that in mind, ask yourself, “What pleased me about how I handled that situation and what displeased me?” From looking at what pleased and displeased pleases you, you can see there is nothing to fix but rather what is it I need to do next time to enhance what pleased me or to see what talent, ability or gift you need develop by for instance: taking a course, exploring the internet, joining Toast Masters so that you feel more confident and assured the next time.
Let It In
Another important piece to your plan to support yourself is to allow yourself time to absorb what pleased you. What most people do is quickly mention what pleased them and then move on, “I’ve been active recently and able to move forward to get done what I needed to do. Now I have more projects to get going on.” By not taking the time to deep breathe and allow your body the experience of success, your body does not have time to learn a new reference point of feeling Good Enough, Good Enough, Good Enough! So next time when assessing what pleases you, give that gift of deep breathing to yourself so you can build up tool your box of solutions.
No Dust Binning
The other way you might be taking away the opportunity to boost yourself up is by doing what I call Dust Binning. You say your accomplishment and then throw it away. “I made five of seven calls I promised myself I would make…BUT I really should have done more.” Be alert and don’t Dust Bin yourself. Instead, deep breathe and allow yourself to feel more energized, more motivated knowing you made those five calls. Let that in as you give yourself credit for the changes you have made.
Create your plan of how you will support yourself in those toughest moments so that instead of abandoning yourself, you give extra nurturing and care to yourself:
What pleased me?
What Displeased me?
Allow in the Information
Listen to learn what you need to do to feel more confident and assured
Deep breathe three times where you made progress
No Dust Binning
Give yourself the full experience of where you are moving forward
Give yourself the full experience of where you are supporting yourself
Rejoice! There is Nothing to Fix.
Just More of You to Discover.