This week what has been causing me anxiety is frustration. I describe the feeling of frustration as being like driving a team of horses down the road. Everything is fine until the left-hand horse decides to take a sharp left and the right-hand horse keeps going! That feeling of being pulled apart is how frustration feels to me. Now the wagon of my life is in jeopardy with two forces pulling me apart.
I start “protesting,” complaining about what is happening, blaming others for my discomfort. As long as I am out of touch with how I feel, I can’t rein that horse in. Instead, I continue to complain to everyone, “Did you see what she/he/it did to me!?” The beauty is that life doesn’t happen to us, it happens for us.
Out of Integrity
What I find with myself, and my clients, is that the right-hand horse is us being of integrity with ourselves. The left-hand horse is us allowing ourselves to be pulled away from what we know is best for us. Ask yourself, “Where am I not trusting myself?” “Where am I not believing in myself?” “Where has what others want become more important than what I want?” “Where am I telling others what to do with their life rather than focusing on my life?” Really think about these questions for yourself.
Pushing a Rope or Herding Cats
When you are frustrated about someone else who is not doing what you believe is the “right” thing – could be your child who wants a different career path than you “know” will bring in the money, a spouse who will not change their mind and do what you “know” is best for them, a manager who won’t listen to your ideas that you “know” will save the company time and money – it is like pushing a rope at best or herding cats at worse. The more you fight, push, herd the more out of control you feel and angrier you get. The protest rages as you are out of integrity with yourself. You are not reining in that unruly horse and getting the wagon of YOUR life on track.
You are Right
Sometimes you may be right about what is best for others or a business. What is more important, is what is best for you and respecting the path that others are on.
We all have a path in life. We all have to experience what we have to experience to evolve and develop who we are as a person. Once you have shared what you believe is best, then you must allow them the opportunity to learn for themselves. Just like we had to experience, endure, and enjoy what we chose; they need to be allowed to unfold and evolve in their own way and time.
Sometimes it is like the analogy of the butterfly developing wings. If we cut open the chrysalis in our attempt to not have the butterfly struggle to break through the walls of the chrysalis, the butterfly can never fly. It is in the struggle that the wings gain the strength to fly.
Decoding to Discover the Answer
For you to discern what is best for you, you have to use your emotional intelligence and know how you feel. Using the science of emotions, I have developed a way to align with my feelings and decode the information that they are here to teach me.
When I feel frustrated, how do I feel?
When I feel angry, how do I feel?
When I feel defeated, how do I feel?
When I feel lost, how do I feel?
When I feel alone, how do I feel?
After allowing myself to really feel sad and experience it, then I ask:
“Sad, What are you here to teach me today?”
Today, Sad said, “Marty, You know why I am sad, because you are not valuing yourself and your time. You are giving it away to others. By not seeing your value and what you need to do for you and your business, you are out of integrity with yourself.”
I replied, “Thank you Sad for showing up. I am glad you showed me where I am off course!”
Using Your Emotional Intelligence
By using your emotional intelligence and decoding your emotions, you can get to the root of your stress. Relieved, you can feel renewed and refreshed and be peaceful and calm. You can refocus on you, and what brings you satisfaction, and a sense of fulfillment. Now your team of horses can be in alignment and the wagon of your life safely back on track.
Feelings are your best friends.
They are there to teach you exactly
what you need to know in the moment.
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